What Next?

This message was first delivered at Cove United Methodist Church in Coleman Falls, Virginia on August 17, 2014. It is based on the text Romans 8:35, 36-39. This was written in the week following the suicide of comedian Robin Williams.

Romans 8:35, 36-39 “Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will hardship, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Comedian Jon Lovitz shared a story this week. When he met Robin Williams in college he asked the comedian if people ever asked him “why are you never serious?” Robin confirmed that yes, he had been asked that many times. Jon then asked how he should respond to that. Robin Williams said, “I ask them why they are never funny.”

You may not know this, but Christopher Reeve and Robin Williams were old friends, having met in college. Both men were studying at Juillard in New York City, where they lived as roommates. The Reeve family shared a statement this week with People magazine mourning Williams, but also recalling an instance when, after Reeve suffered the horseback-riding accident that left him quadriplegic, Williams offered a characteristic moment of levity.

“After our father’s accident, Robin’s visit to his hospital room was the first time that Dad truly laughed,” the statement read. “Dad later said, ‘My old friend had helped me know that somehow I was going to be okay.’ Robin and his incredible family stayed by our side for the rest of Dad’s life, and long after that as well. He and Marsha Garces joined the Board of the Reeve Foundation, and provided unending support without fanfare or question. Robin’s unparalleled legacy on screen will last through the ages. But beyond the gift of laughter, he gave our family and the Reeve Foundation the gift of his simple, steadfast friendship. It’s a gift we’ll treasure forever.”

I can just imagine Robin Williams going off on one of his comedic riffs with a stethoscope or a bedpan. I can see Superman laughing. It was just part of his entire being – making people laugh was almost an addiction. I think the world is only beginning to feel the enormity of the hole his death leaves.

It is a tremendous loss.

And it raises equally tremendous questions. Ones that I felt were important for us to address.

What happened the moment after Robin Williams took his last breath? Did he, as some believe, find himself in the fiery pits of hell? Did he find himself in the presence of a loving God?

The 2012 edition of United Methodist Book of Discipline states the official position of the denomination regarding suicide: We believe that suicide is not the way a human life should end. Often suicide is the result of untreated depression, or untreated pain and suffering. The church has an obligation to see that all persons have access to needed pastoral and medical care and therapy in those circumstances that lead to loss of self-worth, suicidal despair, and/or the desire to seek physician-assisted suicide. We encourage the church to provide education to address the biblical, theological, social, and ethical issues related to death and dying, including suicide. United Methodist theological seminary courses should also focus on issues of death and dying, including suicide.

A Christian perspective on suicide begins with an affirmation of faith that nothing, including suicide, separates us from the love of God (Romans 8:38-39). Therefore, we deplore the condemnation of people who complete suicide, and we consider unjust the stigma that so often falls on surviving family and friends.

We encourage pastors and faith communities to address this issue through preaching and teaching. We urge pastors and faith communities to provide pastoral care to those at risk, survivors, and their families, and to those families who have lost loved ones to suicide, seeking always to remove the oppressive stigma around suicide. The Church opposes assisted suicide and euthanasia.

Suicide is the eleventh leading cause of death claiming 30,000 lives each year or one every 18 minutes. More than 4,000 0f those who commit suicide annually are under age 25. Furthermore, it is estimated that between 500 and 1,500 people seek care in emergency rooms each day for suicide attempts. Research indicates that in any given year 20 percent of all high school students seriously consider suicide.

Suicide rates vary by age, gender and ethnicity but affects all peoples, regardless of education or socioeconomic status. The highest rate of suicide generally occurs among white males in later life. About 80 percent of those who commit suicide are male, but females are much more likely to attempt suicide.

Specific groups in society appear more vulnerable to suicide than others, especially if they experience certain events in their lives such as disease, loss of family, friends, job, severe trama, or other stress factors. Studies show that 90 percent of those who die by suicide suffer from a diagnosable mental illness, substance abuse, or both. These factors—vulnerability, precipitating events, enabling environment—must be recognized and addressed if there is to be any reduction to the suicide rate.

Arnold Toynbee states in his book Man's Concern with Death that “The prevailing attitudes of society, both secular and religious, have been to condemn the victim and ignore the victim's family and friends. There are always two parties to a death; the person who dies and the survivors who are bereaved . . . the sting of death is less sharp for the person who dies than it is for the bereaved survivor. The apportionment of the suffering the survivor takes the brunt.”

Historically, churches have denied funerals and memorial services to bereaved families. Victims' remains have been banned from cemeteries. Medical examiners have falsified records for families so they can receive economic aid. Federal and state surveys of attitudes toward suicide confirm a broad spectrum of responses ranging from fear, denial and resistance to widespread support for suicide prevention. Social and religious stigma is widespread. One report told of a long-time teacher of church youth who lost her son to suicide. When she returned to her class a few weeks later, she was told that because her son had taken his life, she was no longer to teach. That's the bad news.

In contrast, several denominations (including United Methodism) have adopted informed and more compassionate statements on suicide for their members. Frequently mentioned are the needs to remove social stigmas that discourage youth and others from seeking the help they need and for providing mental health opportunities for those who suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts.

To look at this from a biblical perspective, The Apostle Paul, rooted in his experience of the resurrected Christ, affirms the power of divine love to overcome the divisive realities of human life, including suicide:

For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)

Paul's words are indeed sources of hope and renewal for persons who contemplate suicide, as well as for those who grieve the death of friends and family members who have committed suicide. These words affirm that in those human moments when all seems lost, all may yet be found through full faith.

A Christian perspective on suicide thus begins with an affirmation of faith: Suicide does not separate us from the love of God.

This brings us to the big question – the elephant in the room – what are we, the church, called to do? What difference are we able to make to the families left behind when a person takes their own life? What are we called to do when someone we know attempts suicide? How can we, the church, respond to those who may be contemplating suicide?

The first thing we have to do is have some honest conversations about depression and mental illness. If there is one fundamental challenge that we have to overcome it is this: we simply HAVE to change our lurking suspicion that some lives matter less than other lives. That some pain is less important. That people dealing with depression and mental illness are somehow outside the need for compassion and grace.

For some reason, we often judge people who are mentally ill as making poor choices in their lives or somehow not fully trusting in God. It’s almost as if physical impairments can’t be helped, but mental impairments just require people to simply try harder. If trying hard cured mental illness, then mental illness would be cured. There are plenty of Christians who love Jesus with all of their hearts and have committed their entire lives to him, yet they are Schizophrenic, Bipolar, Clinically Depressed or smitten with another illness. There are also Christians who love Jesus, and they struggle with diabetes, heart disease, obesity and a number of other conditions.

It's difficult to explain what a depressive illness feels like to someone who doesn't have it. Depression is more than "the blues." It's an all-encompassing sense of isolation and worthlessness, an emotional distortion often accompanied by genuine physical pain. The best description I have found comes from Psalm 13 that we read earlier:

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I bear pain in my soul, and have sorrow in my heart all day long?

Consider and answer me, O Lord my God! Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep the sleep of death…

"Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep the sleep of death." Could the psalmist have written any clearer cry for help?

Robin Williams' death has thrown renewed light on the struggles of those who have mental illness and the social stigma they face. Some people seem to be genetically disposed toward it. Some people develop depression while managing another chronic medical condition such as heart disease or diabetes. Elderly people often become depressed as their bodies fail and their family and friends die. Teenagers enduring hormone fluctuations can have depression. Children who've experienced trauma can get it.

In short, no human, even a faithful believer, can be considered immune to this insidious disease. The psalmist's words confirm that depression has been with us since the dawn of recorded history. We are all vulnerable. The question is whether we will allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough to ask for help.

I am one who has dealt with depression. During one dark period of my life, following a difficult and unforseen transition – I experienced a desperation that I could barely overcome. It was overwhelming. I was extremely fortunate to be surrounded by a group of people who recognized the symptoms and encouraged me to hang on through the darkness. They knew this was more than just sadness or fear. Logic and intellect were not going to help me “snap out of it.” They gently kept me from isolating myself. As the grip of depression lessened, I wrote the following in my blog:

I walked through some dark places last week.

Some of you know that I had a difficult situation arise. The situation isn't really the most important thing here...

But it created a massive breakdown in the way that I valued myself. It caused a tremendous wave of self-doubt and feelings of unworthiness. And it didn't matter how often the friends and family around me said "you're so special" "you'll land on your feet" or "God has something better in store for you".

I felt like a horrible and failed person.

And that took me to some very dark places in my mind.

Several times during the week I thought about ending my pain in a very permanent way.

That will shock a lot of people. Because they believe I'm so strong and so confident. Yeah - I thought so, too.

But I found that I am capable of being shaken to my very core. To doubt my faith. To doubt my value. To believe it when I am told that I've done nothing positive - only failed.

So, I spent a few days when I was on my own mental ledge. And I wanted to jump. But I didn't.

So - why do I share this? I'm not looking for your pity - but your prayers. And I want everyone who has spent time in that dark place to know that you're not alone. And if I can ever help hold you back from jumping...know that I will do all I can...because I've walked a mile in those shoes. And I wouldn't want anyone to walk that mile alone.

thanks to those of you who held me...and may have told hold me again...

you are the light of God in my life.

Light just enough to take the next step.

I am among more fortunate depression sufferers because I've found that regular spiritual practice, such as prayer and devotional reading, equip me to recognize when an episode is upon me. Because I've exercised my "spiritual muscles," sometimes I can push back depression's isolation and hopelessness to experience God's presence. In fact, my favorite affirmation of faith has become No. 883 in the United Methodist Hymnal, with its stirring conclusion: "… God is with us. We are not alone. Thanks be to God!"

I must stress that one cannot "pray away" depression (or any other medical condition, for that matter). Nonetheless, I've found that my depression can benefit mightily from what we call "a ministry of presence." That's because depression can be stealthy; an episode can sneak up on us sufferers before we realize it. During an active episode, we people with depression frequently lack the capacity to reach out for help. We need others to watch over us, to know the signs of depression and to be willing to get past their own discomfort with mental illness to ask us how we're feeling. To me, this seems like a perfect calling for the church of Jesus Christ.

I wish with all my heart that Robin Williams had had a spiritual community supporting him during his soul's dark night. I wish that someone, something, could have shown him God's loving presence before he took his own life. Once upon a time, his manner of death easily could have been mine. I am so grateful that God, my family and friends, and good medical care, have helped me survive!

We are called to a ministry of compassion. Whether it is assuring family and friends left behind when a person takes their own life, that we believe NOTHING can separate us from the love of God. Or perhaps we are faced with knowing someone who has attempted suicide – we need to make sure they have all the support and resources that they need to find their way into a place of light. We, the church, must equip ourselves to recognize when a person is struggling – to throw them the lifeline they need to hang on until the storm passes.